Phone calls to heaven

Sometimes when I forget who I am I look at this picture. I think a big part of who we are has a lot to do with where we come from. Sometimes the negative experiences teach us what not to be, and the positive experiences take us back home. My most positive life experiences came from the woman in this picture. I always knew my grandma loved me endlessly but it wasn't until she died that I found a package under her bed that would change me forever. Tucked inside a box was a zip lock baggy full of what looked like scrap paper. I emptied the bag on to the floor and immediately realized the scraps of paper were clippings from every birthday package she had ever wrapped for me. On the back of each piece of wrapping paper she wrote the date of the party and my age. Year one was Micky & Minnie Mouse, year two was unicorns, years 3-7 Teenage mutant ninja turtles.... (I was slightly obsessed with being a ninja) It blesses my heart to know she loved me so much that even my wrapping paper was a treasure to her. Even when I was as bad as I could possibly be she always welcomed me back to her with open arms & endless love. She use to tell me I was a "little stinker" when I would get myself into trouble. On two different occasions I caught tranchulas, brought them into the house & scared the living daylights out of her. I then begged to keep my beloved spiders as pets. I brought multiple snakes in the house, chased her with snakes, & even hid a snake in a jar in the house for about a week. She hated worms & I insisted on having a "worm ranch." One day when she wasn't looking my worms went right into her topsoil she was putting in pots for her plants. I really thought I killed her that time. I remember her screaming when she felt all those worms wrapping around her fingers. I think I probably got a spanking.

The day I found the wrapping paper I promised myself I would never forget the kind of love that she showered over me daily. I not only wanted to remember it, but I wanted to love people the way she did. She made me feel like the most important person in the world. She could fix any problem in my life and make me smile any day that I was sad. Days like today I would do anything in this world to make a phone call to heaven. I know she would pick up the phone and say to me "Stinker, you just have to do what you know is right in your heart, pray to Jesus & have a little faith baby." I'm old enough to know how to follow her advice without hearing it. It's just the sound of her voice that brought me so much comfort. Sometimes when I have had a hard day I'll buy a pack of Marlboro Lights & let them burn. I hate the smell of smoke but for some reason the smell of her favorite cigarettes takes me back to the memory of her.

I have faith in the Lord and through God's grace I know I can be the woman she raised me to be. Hard days will pass and the sun will shine again. Pictures remind me of who I am and scripture leads me to where I need to be. My grandma taught me the importance of being a strong woman, but more importantly she taught me to never be too strong to give my troubles to the Lord. I will be forever thankful to know the love she taught me to have in my heart.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46